For many people, starting a conversation is hard. Repeated studies show that since our pandemic isolation, it's gotten harder. Doing so in another language is harder still.
This writer can relate to your enthusiasm about all things Chinese, including language learning. I too eagerly sought out my China experience and did my utmost to make the most of it. But learning how to speak Mandarin is one thing. Applying language skills with cultural competence is a whole different experience.
How do you move beyond ??? Is that even the right greeting for every circumstance? How can you be sure there will be a conversation after the initial ?? and if so, how should you drive it? To establish dialogue with a native Chinese speaker, you must know:
- the right greeting for every circumstance
- 'acceptable' topics to broach when meeting someone for the first time
- the cultural norms that dictate Chinese social interactions
- how moving beyond essential Chinese words will enhance your relationships with Chinese speakers
You may have felt a shiver at the thought that there might be no further conversation after saying ??. Personal experience informs me that the opposite is true. Most native Chinese speakers are open and welcoming.
Older generations might shy away from talking with a ??? (wàiguó rén) - foreigner, and you might feel the weight of their frank stares. However, younger generations love nothing more than practicing their English skills with a native English speaker. And they'd be proud as peacocks to help you learn their language.
Navigating Conversations With N? h?o
As you might have gathered from this article's introduction, the standard greeting is only suitable in some circumstances. You might give a cheerful ?? when entering a store, for example, or to the agent when buying a train ticket. Some Chinese people answer phone calls with ?? though the more common greeting is ??? (wèi n? h?o), or simply ?.
You should say ?? when meeting someone for the first time and immediately follow up with ?????? (n? jiào shénme míngzi) - lit. 'you're called what name?'. Your new friend will say their name and then return the question to you. You should answer: ??... (w? jiào...) - I'm called... You could also say ??... (w? shì...) - I am...
This convention's final step is expressing pleasure at knowing them. The phrase ?????? (h?n g?oxìng rènshí n?) - 'very pleased to know you' is standard in all situations. You may need to modify it to reflect who you're glad to meet; more on that in a moment. First, you need to know the proper response to this phrase: ????? (w? y? h?n g?oxìng) - 'I'm also pleased'.
Now for those modifications. You shouldn't greet everyone generically, nor should you respond that way. This table demonstrates the proper greetings and responses for each situation.
| Who to Greet | Hanyu Pinyin | Meaning | When to Use | Response |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 您好 | nín hǎo | formal 'hello' | When meeting a boss or an elder | 很高兴认识您 |
| 你们好 | nǐmen hǎo | 'you all' hello | When meeting two or more people | 很高兴认识你们 |
| 大家好 | dàjiā hǎo | 'everyone' hello | When greeting a group of people | No response |
| 老师好 | lǎoshī hǎo | 'teacher' hello | When greeting your teacher | No response |
Once you've met a person, you may greet them in other ways. Good morning is ??? (z?oshang h?o) and good evening is ??? (w?nshàng h?o). You might greet your neighbors or people you see often that way (at the appropriate times, of course). Now, with the ice broken, we can explore our new friendships.
Beyond Greetings: Initiating Dialogue in Mandarin
In Chinese culture, work and status are important, and so are family and homestead. Any question on these topics is sure to make for engaging conversations. Broaching these subjects shows your cultural competence, too.
You will immediately gain esteem if you ask ???????? (n? zuò shénme de g?ngzuò) - 'What type of work do you do?'. Or if you're uncertain whether your conversation partner works or studies, you might ask ?????? (n? shì xuésh?ng ma?) - 'Are you a student?'. This table gives you a few more conversation openers:
| Question | Pinyin | Meaning | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 那是什么意思？ | nà shì shénme yìsi | What is that? | To ask for clarification |
| 你觉得工作怎么样？ | nǐ juédé gōngzuò zěnme yàng | How do you feel about (your) work? | You may also ask their feelings about school (use 学校 - xuéxiào instead of 工作 - gōngzuò) |
| 老家在哪里？ | lǎojiā zài nǎlǐ | Where's your hometown? | |
| 你家有几口人？ | nǐ jiā yǒu jǐ kǒu rén | How many are in your family? |
In our culture, talking about our partners is a great conversation starter. Older people might ask a new friend if they have a significant other. The younger crowd may happily gush about their boy/girlfriend.
Talk of love in Chinese conversation is nowhere near that open. It's polite to not ask someone you just met ????(??)??(n? y?u nány?u (n?y?u) ma?) - 'Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?'.
The 'have/don't have...?' structure (??? - y?u méiy?u) is generally informal. It's best to keep it on the back burner until your friendships deepen. But it's perfectly okay to use it when asking a storeowner if they have an item you want.
Tips for Polite and Effective Communication in Chinese
Some topics are not discussed in polite society. That's true around the world but the off-limit topics vary depending on the society. In China, besides shying away from love talk, money and politics are conversation stoppers. Money talk falls in a grey area, though.
It's fine to exclaim over lavish displays of wealth: ??????? (n? hu?le du?sh?o qián) - 'How much did you spend?'. But it's vulgar to gloat so only say how much you paid for something when someone asks you. This gives the other person ?? (miànzi) - 'respect' (or face) while saving your own face.
The Chinese people are far less interested in political debate than other societies are. Their focus is more on their quality of life and their hopes for the future. Steering conversation in those directions will lead to open and frank discussion.
You might ask ????????? (n? duì gòuwù y?u shé me kànf?) - 'What do you think about shopping?' if you wanted to talk about hyper-consumerism, for example.
Of course, saying 'Thank You' when needed is an integral part of polite conversation in Mandarin. However, basic expressions of gratitude can only take you so far. You need to know the appropriate form of thanks for every situation.
Make ??? (n? ne) - 'And you?' a conversation staple. It's easy to attach it to the end of opinion-giving or when someone asks for your thoughts. For example, you might answer 'What do you think about shopping?' with: ?????,??? (m?iti?n qù gòuwù, n? ne?) - 'I go shopping every day, and you?' ?? is a great way to show interest and keep the conversation going.
Expanding Vocabulary Beyond the Basics
Once you get past initial meetings and friendship beginnings, you can greet your friends more intimately. If you haven't seen them in a few days, you might ask ??????? (n? zuìjìn z?nme yàng) - 'How have you been recently?'. Conversely, if you just saw them yesterday, you can demonstrate your closeness by asking ????
We must address the 'ma' particle (?). We use it at the end of a 'closed' question, the type that calls for a yes/no answer. Note the question pair above; the ones about work and school. 'What type of work' invites a lengthy response so it gets no ? at the end. By contrast, one either is or isn't a student, thus ? is needed.
Likewise, appending ?? with ? invites a short response. Your friend might answer ??, ??? (hái h?o, n? ne?) - 'I'm fine, and you'? To which you might return ??? (hái h?o ba) - 'Well enough'. The ? particle signals the end of that exchange.
Early in your Chinese language classes, you probably learned essential verbs like ? (xi?ng - want or think), ? (yào - want or will) and ? (y?u - have). You can use them as standalone verbs but you'll communicate with greater emphasis if you learn how to combine them.
For example, ????? (w? xi?ng qù gòuwù) - 'I want to go shopping' expresses a longing and maybe boredom. However, ?????? says a shopping trip is definite.
Likewise, ??????? (n? yào zhè b?n sh? ma) - 'Do you want this book?' sounds passive. But ??????! (n? yào y?u zhè b?n sh?) - 'You have to have this book!' comes from a friend who cares about your knowledge stores. Even ?????? (n? xi?ng y?u zhè b?n sh?) - 'Do you want to have this book?' shows greater concern for the other person's wishes.
From experience, I can tell you that Chinese people are thrilled when ??? (wàiguó rén) - foreigners make any attempt to speak Chinese. But you shouldn't limit yourself to a few stock phrases designed to impress. The Chinese language and culture are so rich, you can't fully appreciate them unless you learn beyond essential expressions in Mandarin. Good on you for taking your Mandarin lessons farther!
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