How many different ways can you think of to say 'thank you' in English? You might come up with anything from 'I sincerely appreciate this' to 'Cheers!' and everything in between. Our culture dictates there's a time for 'Cheers!' and a place for 'Thanks so much!'.
Chinese culture has similar rules for thanking others and just as many ways to express gratitude. They range from the standard ?? (xièxiè) to the informal ??? (xiè n? a) - 'thank you' and 'thanks', respectively. And several other phrases, besides.
As you're learning how to speak Mandarin, you must know that Chinese society has its formal aspects. Thus, you likely know that you have to use the right 'thank you' for the occasion. And you must do so with a level of cultural competence. This article helps you understand:
- the essence of 'thank you' in Chinese culture
- the different ways to show your gratitude in Mandarin
- how to use the right 'thank you' for the occasion
- where and how 'thank you' fits in everyday life
You might not give much thought to it but you likely thank someone several times a day. In our culture, saying those words is usually enough but in Chinese culture, actions matter more than words. Saying ?? is the superficial part. Read on to discover how deep your gratitude must be and how you should show it.
Xièxiè: More Than Just Thanks
From our earliest days, our parents insisted we should say 'thank you' to everyone, for everything. Grandma gives you a gift and you say 'thank you'. Buying a candy at the gas station also mandates a thanks. Being served at dinner, another kid sharing their toys and someone paying you a compliment are all occasions for thanks.
In China, you won't hear too many parents exhorting their children to thank all and sundry. Likewise, few would thank the cashier for ringing up their purchases or the waitstaff for bringing their food. In this culture, ?? (gu?nxì) - 'relation' is more important than saying ?? at every turn.
You should say ?? when appropriate, of course. If someone does you a favor, your thanks implies that you will do something for them at some point. If someone you don't already have ?? with gives you a gift, you will be effusive in your thanks and repay the esteem shown with an equally expensive (or meaningful) gift later.
However, if someone pays you a compliment, you must brush it off. This society prizes humility. Thanking someone for a compliment implies you know you deserve it, a profoundly distasteful attitude in China.
The proper response in this case is ???? (n?li n?li) - literally 'where? where?', as though you too wanted to catch sight of such a terrific person. Alternately, you may respond with ?? (bù bù) - 'no, no!' while averting your eyes and shaking your head.
In China, 'thank you' is neither rote nor transactional. Like every other aspect of this timeless culture, thanks are laden with meaning and carry a promise of ongoing connection. Saying the right 'thanks' at the right time could see you build ?? all across China.
Various Ways to Express Gratitude in Mandarin
The ? character features in every form of Mandarin 'thank you', more often once than doubled. You can use the doubled ?? as a standalone expression or go with ??? (xiè n? le) - about on par with 'thanks'.
You should use the double form to thank someone for something specific. For instance, if someone helped you do something, you would say ?????? (xièxiè n?de b?ngzhù). If a classmate informs you that today's lecture is cancelled, be sure to tell them ?????? (xièxiè n? gàosù w?).
More casual 'thank you's typically use the single ? form. 'Many thanks' is ?? (du? xiè), typically followed up with ??. The ? (a) - 'ah' particle lends the phrase intimacy. Put together, ???? (du? xiè n? a) is 'many thanks to you!'. You can see other such combinations in this table:
| Expression | Pinyin | Meaning | When to Use |
|---|---|---|---|
| 感谢你 | gǎn xiè nǐ | 'feeling thank you' | slightly more powerful than 谢谢 |
| 太谢谢你了 | tài xièxiè nǐ le | 'thank you so much' | when someone does you a big favor |
| 非常感谢你 | fēicháng gǎnxiè nǐ | you very much''thank | the ultimate 'thank you' |
| 你太客气了 | nǐ tài kèqì le | 'you're too kind' | when receiving a gift |
| 谢谢你们俩 | xièxiè nǐmen liǎ | 'thank you both' | when thanking two people |
| 谢谢你们都 | xièxiè nǐmen dōu | 'thank you all' | when thanking a group |
| 谢谢大家 | xièxiè dá jiā | 'thank you, everyone' | when thanking a crowd |
Incidentally, expressing love in Chinese culture is equally convoluted. You won't find any of the outward signs or coy games that Western lovers seem to enjoy. Like other aspects of Chinese society, romance in China is more pragmatic. Still, the Chinese have endearing and remarkable love expressions you might add to your repertoire.
Context Matters: Using Thank You Appropriately
You might be tempted to adopt the ultimate 'thank you' and use it in every situation, just to make sure you cover all the bases. At best, you'll get some strange looks. At worst, your path to building ?? (gu?nxì) would be permanently blocked.
Lest you remain forever an outsider, you must learn to use the right 'thank you' for a given situation. In most situations, ???-, followed by whatever you're thankful about is appropriate. For instance, ???????? (xièxiè n? y?oq?ng w? w?nfàn) - 'thank you for inviting me to dinner'.
Save ????? for the utmost of gratitude expressions. Help in a dire emergency qualifies for such a degree of thanks. You should emphasise your thanks with a generous gift of fruit or other treats. Never offer money; that's considered vulgar in China.
You should also make sure you're addressing the person/people correctly. 'You' (?) is for people around your age and younger. If you're thanking more than one such person, you must use the plural form: ?? (n?mén). Note that ?? (dá ji?) is the proper way to address groups of five people or more.
To thank someone older or in a position of authority - your teacher or boss, you must address them formally. For that, convert ? to ? (nín) or ?? (nínmén), if you're thanking more than one such person. The actual 'thank you' does not change form.
Also, try to make your 'thank you' to such a person as neutral (but sincere) as possible. The mild ???, said with your right fist in your left palm should suffice in most cases. This formal 'thank you' demonstrates cultural competence; that hand gesture signals respect in Chinese culture.
Using the right 'Thank you' for the given situation is as exacting as using the right 'Hello'. But in either situation, things in China aren't so different than in our culture. You'll find a time and a place to lob a casual 'how are you' and others when you must be more formal. Luckily, 'Thank you' norms run parallel with rules for ‘Hello’ so if you master the rules, you'll know the right words for every occasion.
Incorporating Gratitude in Daily Conversations
What do you say to your parent when they let you know they've done something for you? "I've left your tea on the stove." "Thanks, Mom/Dad!" The same for "I've done your laundry", "I bought you something" and so on. It's like a reflex.
When a Chinese parent tells their child there are biscuits in the kitchen for an afternoon snack, the kid will likely say ?? (h?o de) - 'okay', instead of 'thank you'. This type of information sharing doesn't call for gratitude in China, only acknowledgement.
Remember that in China, ?? (gu?nxì) is all-important. Building and maintaining relationships matter more than words of gratitude. You should strive to acknowledge people rather than their deeds. Particularly if those deeds are matter-of-course, such as a clerk ringing up your purchase.
Saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' every time you enter your neighborhood stores builds ??. Likewise, the worker might say ???? (hu?nyíng gu?nglín) - literally 'welcome to visit' or simply 'welcome'. In all my years in China, I never heard any clerk thank me for my visit. And I never thanked anyone for their service.
However, I often heard (and said) ?????? (xièxiè n? lái kàn w?) - 'Thanks for coming to see me'. All those tasty meals at friends' homes invariably ended with ????????? (xièxiè n? q?ng w?men lái ch?fàn) - 'Thanks for inviting us to dinner'.
The rule is that if someone does something for you personally, that action merits thanks. Your depth of gratitude should reflect the deed and convey your sincerity. That's true even if you're speaking with your boss, teacher or someone older than you.
You might not think everyday exchanges are culturally significant but these conventions matter. You've no doubt internalized our society's norms and follow cultural rules without giving them any thought.
However, the minute you begin your Chinese Experience, you'll feel the cultural weight of Mandarin expressions. Learning the language and building cultural competence will let you bear it with ease.
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