We've all been there. Am I a bad parent? It is normal to feel, especially after a tough day, like your parenting skills are not up to par. The good news is that you're not alone and if it can be of any comfort, the very fact that you are questioning yourself as a parent is a pretty good sign that you are not a bad parent. Parenting is overwhelming and it often feels like every single decision that we make is colossal. It is normal to worry about the consequences of our decisions. What are the effects of a lack of parenting skills in a child? All parents question themselves from time to time. Am I being to strict? Could I have handled this situation better? If it could be of any reassurance, this article has gathered signs of ''bad parenting'' and tips on how to recognize them early so that we can fix them together.
Quick Online Parenting Class: What is Bad Parenting, Really?
It doesn't mean you're a bad parent if you lose your patience from time to time. It happens. We can agree that parenting is unique to every family as every human is unique and requires different needs. However, there are ways of acting that are considered unacceptable no matter what. For example, child physical or emotional abuse are serious and harmful behaviors that need to be taken into account. These behaviors need to be addressed and require professional intervention.
Beyond these extremes, bad parenting can unintentionally happen while mishandling certain situations. It's hard to self assess to or recognize what you're doing wrong, but when you do, it can be a good first step into improving your parenting skills. What are the main parenting skills and why are they important? Everyone has their own definition of good and bad parenting since all humans are different, have different needs and ways of expressing themselves. However, every parent has good and bad traits. We will often call bad traits when we go into extremes, which makes it easier to identify them. Let's take a look on a few on them.
Involvement: Too Much or Too Tittle
According to the main four styles of parenting, involvement is a very important factor in parenting. It is important to have the perfect balance. Too much or too little is not good! This being said, the Neglectful parent, in other words uninvolved, is probably the worst parenting style as they do not answer their children's needs. Neglectful style parenting is neglecting the children's emotional and nurturing needs and not providing any guidance nor discipline throughout their development. On the other hand, being too involved is also not recommended as it can be more harmful then helpful. Over controlling or making all of the decisions for the children will impact their learning, deduction and problem resolution skills and put them at risk of being dependent.
1. Discipline
Involvement leads to the subject of discipline. Being disengaged and uninvolved leads to a lack of discipline and boundaries. Consequently, safety issues come into play and the children are at risk of injury. Also, not having boundaries during childhood will result in not understanding boundaries during their later stages, like adulthood. On the other hand, severe or stiff discipline will have authoritarian tendencies. Authoritarian parenting stops children from learning on their own, exploring and becoming independent. As a result, they will develop anxious and rebellious tendencies throughout their different stages in life.
2. Lack of Attention and Nurturing
Involvement leads to the subject of attention and nurturing. Being indifferent and uninvolved leads to a lack of attention and nurturing. Consequently, low self-esteem and co-dependency tendencies are at risk. Having a low self-esteem as well as a low confidence results in poor communication. Children suffering of lack of care and nurturing will not impose their needs and will prefer not to express themselves. Co-dependency is also a negative consequence from the lack of attention and love from the children's parents. The lack of love will lead the children to believe that their parent's love is conditional, leading them to modify and adapt their behavior in order to please the person who's love they're seeking. They will act how they think their parents want them to act, creating a co-dependency. In their later stages, co-dependency will lead to poor social and relationship skills. Unfortunately, co-dependency can lead to unhealthy and abusive relationships.
Shaming and Lack of Empathy
Lastly, it is important not to shame our children when disciplining them. Shaming can lead to psychological issues, like anxiety and depression. It can also result in fears, like the fear of failing or the fear of not being perfect.
Parent Involvement and Education: What Are the Consequences of Bad Parenting ?
Bad parenting skills can lead to various consequences for our children. Positive parenting is very important for the upbringing of your children. Do not be alarmed, scolding your children because they spilled your coffee isn't bad parenting. Consequences are present when the bad parenting is repetitive and becomes the norm.
Behavioral Problems
Behavioral problems, such as disobedience, violence and aggression, are at risk for children who's parenting involves a pattern of yelling, physical abuse, emotional abuse by using punishments, threats and, etc.
Psychological Disorders
Behavioral problems can lead to psychological disorders, such as substance abuse for example. Psychological disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is also possible for children who's parenting is abusive and neglectful.
Poor Academic Results
Neglected children have poor social skills as their parents are the first social model and reference. Consequently, they will make poor social relationships and connections in school which will lead them to isolate themselves. As a result, it will reinforce their low self-esteem and emotional difficulties, and therefore their school performance will be affected by lack of focus.
Low Self-Esteem
Lack of trust and low self-esteem is a direct consequence of bad parenting. Shaming and faulty criticism will cause children to internalize negative perceptions of themselves. Neglectful parents also cause children to believe that they are not worthy of love.
Management Issues
Over involved and stiff parenting can also lead to control issues and rebellious behavior. Two outcomes are possible: anxious and fearful children who are afraid to thrive or rebellious children with detrimental behavior.
Parent Involvement and Education: How to Improve Your Parenting
There are many ways to improve your parenting skills and it takes patience and hard work. The first step in recognizing the traits and skills you should work on. If you wish, you can learn more here about the importance of learning and parenting in the United States. Here are some tips on how to improve your parenting ways.
Listen
It is a human need to feel heard, validated, accepted and considered. As parents, let your children know that you hear them, understand how they feel and let them know that it is normal and human to feel the way that they do. Teach them how to manage and express their feelings.
React appropriately
Discipling your children is not an easy task. What we recommend is using positive parenting. Instead of punishing your children, reward good behavior. When bad behavior occurs, use words that will target the bad behavior, and not your children. For example, try saying ''Drawing on the wall is bad'' instead of ''You are a bad child for drawing on the wall".
Keep demonstrating love, attention and affection
When upbringing your children, never forget to keep demonstrating love, nurturing and affection. It is important for your children's happiness and healthy development. Even when they misbehave, you still love them. Let them know that your love is unconditional. If you need a moment to calm down, give yourself the time.
Leave room for mistakes
This brings us back to shaming and criticizing. We are human! While assuring your children's safety, let them express themselves, discover the world and be creative. It doesn't matter if they make mistakes, that's how they will learn! Even as adults, we still learn the same way. Teach them how to adjust, how to improve and how to say sorry if a mistake is made.
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